You mentioned that you’ve been trying to potty-train your child. And you’ve used a lot of positive reinforcement techniques, but they’re not working, and you’re wondering what to do next. And positive reinforcement is great. Don’t underestimate the value of it, and continue using that, but also keep in mind that children best respond to potty-training when it’s their idea. So if you do things to continually talk and introduce them to it, then it will get their wheels spinning and all of a sudden it will click, because if it’s their idea, it will usually go fast at that point. Try things like reading books to your child about the potty, watching movies about going to the bathroom, have them talk to children and adults that they admire and have them talk with them about how they use the potty. And if you have older children in your house, then praise them in the presence of your smaller child that you’re trying to potty-train and tell them what a great job they did, and then because they want that attention, then they may try it as well.
It’s also is helpful to demonstrate. And some parents are weirded out by this a little bit, but kids watch everything we do and they want to be big like big brothers and sisters and like mom and dad, and so demonstrate to them, tell them what you’re doing when you go potty, talk to them about using toilet paper appropriately, teaching them about proper washing afterwards – these are all good conversations to have. Also look for chances to sit your child on the potty regularly. Natural times are after meals and before and after nap time. And even if they’re only on there for a minute, then that’s a good accomplishment, because the more comfortable they feel when they’re on the toilet, the more likely they are to actually do something when they’re sitting there. Sometimes it works well to read a short book while they’re sitting on the potty so that they forget what they’re actually doing, and something might happen and then they’ll have a positive experience, and it usually just takes a couple of positive experiences for them to just run with it and to do really well.
Some kids are afraid of sitting on the potty, and if you can talk with them about their reasons for not wanting to, maybe you’ll be able to rationalize with them and help them get rid of their fears. For example, my son thought there was a legit monster in the toilet that was going to get him. So after he saw us sit on the toilet multiple times and we didn’t get eaten, then he was okay trying it himself – a little hesitant at first, but the thing you need to remember is that you don’t want to push too hard, because you don’t want to create negative emotions around the potty and potty-training, because that will make it really hard to potty-train and delay the amount of time it’s going to take. So you want to prod a little bit, suggest, introduce, talk about, let them sit on the toilet, but if they’re meeting you with a lot of resistance like they’re crying and they’re really scared, back off for a little while. See if you can figure out why, and talk with them about it, but then just back off, give them some time, and then just try again a little bit later.
Most girls are ready between 2 and 3 years of age and most boys between 3 and 4 years of age. And of course, not all kids are the same and some do it a little bit earlier and some a little bit later, and that’s okay. It’s just important to make sure that a child is physically ready and cognitively ready for potty-training, they can sense that they need to use the bathroom and they’re able to communicate with you that they need to, pull their own pants down, pull them back up and zip and button them – those are all helpful milestones to meet before you try potty-training your child, but then there’s also the emotional piece, and so that is what is a little bit harder for some kids, and they just need some support and a lot of patience. If you have more specific concerns or questions about your child, talk with your pediatrician and they can give you tailored information and advice. If you have more questions in the future for me, feel free to ask them on our Intermountain Moms Facebook and Instagram pages, and recommend us to your friends and family too.
