A week on, and I've turned music back on again. I have too many songs that I love which remind me of incredibly sad times, of bleeding loss and tears rolling, and I couldn't add to that list. So there has been silence. Physically I feel a lot better, I was quite weak for days and would get lightheaded when moving around, I could hardly function, had black circles under my eyes, couldn't eat, didn't want to eat, but physically things seem. To be returning to normal... slowly. Mentally, this is going to take time, a long time, and I think I may need some extra help with that aspect. I've had thoughts I never thought I would. Feeling so, so very hurt by my own body, very deeply hating it for not working like a normal body. . It might seem silly to some to grieve so much for a pregnancy that was over almost as soon as it began, to be honest if I didn't know my body so well and hadn't tested when I did, I wouldn't even have known as my period was essentially on time. But here's the thing, it's the loss of hope, its the loss of dreams, it's the loss of that magic. It's impossible to describe how that feels if you've never been there, and those that have, know. I know I will heal. It will happen over time as my grief changes form into a more manageable shape and size, but loss stays with you forever, and no doubt this will change some part of me for the rest of my days.