They are not your right, they are not a burden, they are not your property and they are not to be taken for granted. . They are a gift, they are the rarest of treasures, they are the most incredible love you will ever receive. . . Today I was terrified and yet again I was reminded how god dang special these babies are. How truly incredible it is to be carrying a 5th baby. . . At lunch time I called Clinton barely able to get the words out "I'm bleeding". I instantly thought how would we tell the kids, how do we break their little hearts again and tell them another baby is going to heaven. I was so completely terrified. I don't think I could handle the words, there is no heartbeat. . . I'm pretty sure I didn't take a breath from the moment I saw blood until I laid on the bed looking at the screen to see the smallest flicker, thanking all my lucky stars. There was still a heart beat. I could feel my own heart beat again I felt the anxiety, stress and all the emotions lift the slightest. . . Pregnancy after a stillborn is so scary, to go into it with the full understanding of the heartbreak that comes along with holding your angel baby in your arms. I'm grateful, im excited, im appreciating every second. But I've never been so scared in my life. . . Babies are a gift, children are the biggest gift you will ever receive. Never ever take them for granted because reguardless of gestation or age you're never truly guaranteed the pleasure of watching them grow. . . Let's hope with strict no heavy lifting as well and taking it extra easy we will have the joy of bringing this baby home in 30 weeks and this all being a distant memory. Because I'm not sure if I could handle having another live in heaven 💙💙💙 . . . . . . . . #pregnancy#pregnant#pregnantbelly#5thpregnancy#mumof5#mumlife#pregnantbelly#pregnancyannouncement#pregnancyblog#rainbow#angelmama#angelbaby#babybump#9weeks#bigfamily#newbaby#pregnancyafterloss#rainbow#blessed#5babies#motherhood#selfie#mirrorselfie#selfies#newbaby#pregnantandperfect#earlypregnancy#firsttrimester